The next time your child has a meltdown, you shouldn’t shout, “Go to your room!” even if they are seldom humorous. According to Vanessa Lapointe, Ph.D., author of Discipline Without Damage, discipline methods that require a physical or even psychological break could result in serious issues down the road.
The expert asserts that psychological studies have shown that children need their parents to feel emotionally close to them in order to be healthy. Such punishment has detrimental effects that “play out neurologically and obviously affect the cognitive upbringing and sense of self.”
According to Lapointe, the secret to excellent conduct is developing a strong bond with your child rather than “tricking” them into doing what you want.
Children who have a strong relationship with their parents genuinely want to please them. Since they are youngsters, they might not always follow the rules, but they will eventually accept them.
According to a study, “it’s taking on your adult duties, creating clear boundaries, and keeping those limits with compassion and care in equal measure.” Saying “No, and I comprehend your irritation” or “No, and I know you’re unhappy” will suffice.
In light of this, here are nine typical techniques that parents should stay away from:
The American Academy of Pediatrics warns against hitting or spanking children. Instead of encouraging responsibility and self-control, spanking frequently makes children more hostile, irate, and intolerant of others. In a study of children born in 20 major U.S. cities, It has been demonstrated that families that spank their children’s behavior often find themselves in a never-ending cycle of punishment and disobedience.. Spanking can have effects that go beyond the relationship between a parent and child. Because it propagates the idea that it’s okay to injure someone when you’re upset, even with someone you care about. Youngsters who are smacked might be more likely to strike other people when they don’t get their way.
Physical punishment may have additional, visible effects on the body and brain that increase the risk of damage, especially in young children under the age of 18 months. Spanking increases the levels of hormones associated with toxic stress in youngsters. Physical punishment could also have an impact on brain growth. According to one study, children who received frequent spankings had less gray matter, the area of the brain responsible for self-control, and they did worse on IQ tests as children than the control group.
Words That Hurt
verbal abuse. Yelling at kids and using words tormenting them emotionally or shaming them are ineffective and harmful, as research has shown. Even by modeling positive behavior and caring in other ways, using harsh verbal punishment on children can increase disobedience and cause mental health issues. According to research, the harsh verbal discipline that is becoming more and more common as children get older may contribute to the challenging behavior and signs of melancholy that adolescents exhibit.
It’s not a good idea to use emotional blackmail to influence your child in a favorable way. Sayings such as “Mommy won’t talk to you if you don’t complete your homework” simply educate children that a parent’s affection is conditional. And this undermines your child’s confidence and faith in you.
Children only become hostile when parents ask questions such as, “Are you attempting to harm me with this sort of behavior? The majority of caregivers use this harmful method of punishment because of what their own predecessors did to them; this creates a cycle of remorse. Guilt seriously undermines children’s already fragile sense of value.
Children become resentful and furious when adults yell at them in public, make them stand in an unpleasant place in the house in front of visitors, or do other embarrassing things like this. Children suffer from a profound feeling of shame, which affects their self-image. The youngster may develop depression if they continue receiving such humiliating punishment.
It’s also highly damaging to discipline children using sarcasm. Sarcasm is difficult for very young children to grasp, and older children who encounter it will simply become hostile toward you. When your child is the target of sarcasm in front of other adults, it lowers their sense of self-worth.
Orders are used in an authoritarian, irrational manner that hinders communication. They frequently leave the children feeling terrified and powerless. Instead of giving instructions, try employing requests as a kind of discipline. When two people work together, the result lasts longer.
The person you are yelling at seldom understands the meaning of what you are saying when you shout. When their parents yell at them, children can only hear the rage and frustration in their voices. They feel intimidated and ashamed, and whatever chance they had to make amends is lost.
Although it is illegal to physically beat children, tragically many adults still employ this incredibly destructive kind of punishment. All forms of physical violence—punching, beating, slapping, etc.—leave painful mental and physical scars. Never ever employ this kind of punishment; it is the most humiliating action a parent could partake
The use of abusive language, slang, and profanity against children, while you are enraged, is a symptom of inadequate parenting. Such behaviors teach kids that a victimization is a legitimate form of communication, in addition to having a negative effect.
It is a warning when someone says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re not going to perform well on the class test.” On the other hand, making a threat like “The phrase “I’ll beat you black and blue if you don’t finish your project before the deadline” is insulting. Threats, however, remain unacceptable and are considered verbal abuse.
Withholding affection from your children as a form of discipline will simply make them understand that they cannot rely on you since they are emotionally dependent on you. Cold conduct is an ineffective form of punishment that can alienate your child and sever your relationship. Discipline methods come in a wide variety, and only some of them work incredibly well. Stop using these methods of punishment as soon as possible.
Every parent wants to instill in their kids’ good morals and virtues. However, employing unsuitable techniques, such as punitive methods of discipline, is not regarded as a healthy practice and may harm the child physically and emotionally. I’m hoping this article will help you understand the wrong ways to discipline children.